Weaning after 2 1/2 years

While I was pregnant I researched as much as I could about breastfeeding and in general nursing. I had a few different moms share their experience with breastfeeding. Some good and some bad stories. I had naively said during my pregnancy that I would only breastfeed up to 6 months. I said a lot of premature and even judgmental things about breastfeeding. The truth was  I really had no idea what breastfeeding was or would mean to me personally. 

I was able to breastfeed and pump milk. I still didn’t know until a year later that I was actually producing a lot of milk. I swear if I could get in a time machine just to smack some knowledge into my head…I would. I know I know. I could do much more with a time machine, but still. Even typing this I’m shaking my head at my past self. I was already going through Postpartum Depression and so reaching out for help wasn’t always easy. 

Anyway, I really don’t want to get off track. So….I was a lactating mama. Here’s a mental/future note I made to myself: PUMP RIGHT AWAY AND PUMP LIKE YOUR LIFE depended on it. Had I started pumping right away (and had the patience) it would have made the first 3 months a lot easier, given my husband more bonding time to feed the baby via bottle and given me a much needed break to rest.

I’d say after about 6 months I started to get the hang of breastfeeding and pumping. Fast forward, my baby turned 1 years old and then my baby turned into a toddler. We were done pumping after 13 months in. That was time consuming and just plain annoying for me personally. Then 2 years went by and just breastfed out of comfort for my toddler. Other moms who have breastfed past 1 year might have experienced the judgmental and unsolicited advice from family and mostly family. 

Actually, it came in a form of a question. “How long are you gonna BF for?” “When do you think you’ll stop BF?” That mostly came from the grandma’s and sometimes a brother in law. I learned to tune it out. My husband and my best friends only knew what my real plight was. I was getting tired and wanted my space. I also wanted to just cuddle with my toddler without them wanting to breastfeed. 

I got pregnant for the 2nd this past April 2018 and then I had the miscarriage in June 2018. During that time I was preparing to wean my toddler. I thought about tandem nursing, but as the days and weeks went a long I just didn’t want to. Breastfeeding after the miscarriage was now a comfort to me.

Still healing from the pain of loss, but it’s finally happening 8 months in. I would’ve been about 8 1/2 months into my pregnancy right now. 

Unfortunately I don’t have “advice” to share about weaning. I just have my perspective and experience to share. It sucks at first. I’m only about a week in. It happened during a time of sickness. My toddler and I both got sick. My little one ended up having a cold and then a stomach bug. I couldn’t give my toddler any type of milk.  My toddler was PISSED! Yes, my kid literally kicked and screamed. I HAD to stand my ground because everything was coming up. Watching your kid vomit can be a bit traumatic. Especially during the night.

The light bulb in my head went off. I was going to take this negative and turn it into a positive. I was going to wean my toddler cold turkey. My toddler is already adjusting. I’m just seriously praising and thanking God for the grace and strength to endure any tantrums. My husband of course has been supportive. The grandma’s are mostly happy. Thankfully, the grandma’s haven’t been pushing the potty training. My baby (as I refer the my first born still) is just not ready for that new journey. 

It’s about a week today since I’ve stopped breastfeeding. It’s definitely getting easier, I feel happy and feel that it was time. That’s the thing. Sometimes you have to find that timeline and sometimes that timeline finds you. 

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