Feelings of numbness, sadness, and reflection into the New Year. I want to process these feelings, so I need to write this out. What would’ve been my due date for my second child has passed. I’m feeling numb. I hope it’s not numbness, but the peace of God that is holding me at sea during these storms of emotions. In an alternate universe I would have a new born baby right now. We would’ve re-arranged the apartment so that a small crib would be on the side of the bed. I wouldn’t be at work right now. I would be on maternity leave until March.
Currently, I’m at work. On my period. Trying to not forget my loss. Cramping and grumpiness from my period is overruling all other emotions. I just want to go home and hop in bed. All I can do is actually keep moving forward.
I just didn’t want to forget my baby.